


Tadfield Metheglin

by CopperBeech



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aphrodisiacs, Awkward Sexual Situations, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Dialogue Heavy, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, F/M, Humor, M/M, Marathon Sex, Marriage Proposal, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-Graphic Smut, Pillow Talk, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Talk, Sexual Humor, Shower Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-06
Updated: 2020-02-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:54:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22567387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CopperBeech/pseuds/CopperBeech
Summary: Anathema has time to beguile in her new life, and witchy experiments in brewing have some unintended effects.“My dear, I’m starting to think we had better ring up Anathema. If one can find a graceful way to ask… well, how long this goes on.”The dining room at the Angel was just populated enough to keep any of the conversation from carrying. The slow rakes and nudges of boot-toes and ankles under the table were suitably discreet. The angel was pushing the last bits of a Bramley apple crumble onto his fork; Crowley had gotten into the Talisker.They were both hanging on to control by a thread.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 76
Kudos: 133





	Tadfield Metheglin

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Counterpoint](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21828346) by [CopperBeech](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CopperBeech/pseuds/CopperBeech). 



> Just some naughty froth. Ever since the moment I posted the last chapter of _Counterpoint_ I've wanted to (1) give the boys a moment to share their respective fantasies from that fic (2) further investigate Anathema's craft-brewing talents. The tone's completely different -- _Counterpoint_ whiffs strongly of the TV-version couple while this came out feeling more like the book couple, so it's "inspired by" and not a series.
> 
> A predicament described almost entirely in dialogue.

“ _Sign of the Angel?_ Really?”

“It leapt out at one rather. Have a look."

"What brought this on?"

"It was that bottle Anathema dropped off from her latest batch that put it in my head. She _did_ say something about saving it until we could get away together somewhere.”

“You’re doing this to wind me up.”

“Not a bit of it. We’ve never been able to just – enjoy ourselves. Admire the Spring. Do nothing in particular. London’s become a bit of a habit. Oughtn’t we to do new things in a new world?”

“Hm, done a few of those.”

“Distracting me.”

“Demon. Can’t help it.”

“Mhm. Distract me – ah, right there. You know how I like that.”

“Shop’s still open.”

“Bother.”

“So… when were you thinking of…?

“Right now seems perfectly fine. I can close up.”

“No, I meant – this _Romantic Getaway_ business.”

“Oh. I booked next Tuesday and Wednesday night. Fewer crowds, and midweek rates.” The angel loved the best of earthly life, but he never saw any reason to pay more than he needed to for it.

“You – ah – already–”

“You can pack by then, can’t you? Warm things, it’ll be windy."

Crowley would have been annoyed if the angel didn’t seem to be enjoying himself so hugely, fussing with maps of rural walks and trying to remember whether either of them had ever done any blessings in the area.

“It’s got _picturesque cottages,”_ he groaned, turning the pages of _Romantic Getaways In Wiltshire And Dorset_ as Aziraphale leafed through his Ordnance Survey maps. “A _quaint bridge._ Why don’t you just smite me now?”

“Gardens, though.” Crowley was a bit of a pushover for a garden. And a winsome angel.

“Oh, you win, you bastard.”

* * *

“There you are. Now this is a bit of all right, isn’t it?’

“S’pose.”

“I spotted a twenty-year old Talisker in the pub downstairs while they were getting this room ready."

“Investigate that later?”

“I was thinking a walk.”

“I was thinking a bit of this first.”

“Pottery teacups. Well, they’ll do.”

Crowley started prying the wax seal off of Anathema’s special bottling. “What d’ye suppose we’re meant to do with the pine cones?”

“I think they’re just there for atmosphere – like these plants – “

“You’ve brought me to someplace with _atmosphere – “_

“Or well, this,” said the angel, bouncing a pine cone deftly off Crowley’s head.

“Ow! That hurt!”

“No, it did not. It was a _pine_ cone – stop, you know how I hate being tickled _snmpphff_ – “ The loud snuffling noise represented an angel being decisively kissed by a demonic mouth half full of Tadfield Metheglin.

“Dear. You’re going to get that on the _tie.”_

“Take it off, then.”

“I see where this is going, you wily thing. Give me some of that.”

“Some of anything you want, angel.”

* * *

“This is sticky and messy.”

“Everything we do is sticky and messy, dear. And hm – I estimate that that lovely little dip in your collarbones will hold just what’s left in this cup…”

“There’s more.”

“Unfortunately, you’re in no position to reach it.”

“Let my hands go – “

“ _Absolutely_ not. You will tickle me.”

“Swear I won’t – “

“You’re a demon. You’ll find a loophole.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Mmm – no, dear – you know what to say if you truly need to – this really is quite nice stuff, what ever did she put in it?”

“Dunno. Witchy things – all right, now we _are_ sticking together _._ Noisy. _”_

“Only just starting to. You do want me to keep going, don’t you?”

“Did you even _lock the door,_ we’ll terrify the maid – “

“Only trying to trick me into letting you loose again. You _like_ terrifying people. _“_

“Not with my bare arse – “

“I think mine is the one in view here. I have it on the best authority that my arse is very comforting.”

“Shut up and – like _that_ – oh, _fuck_ , angel – “

“With all my heart.”

* * *

“We were talking about a walk.”

“Mmhm.”

“You seem to be, ah, trying to make a comeback.”

“Just checking to see you left everything in place. That was a bit intense.”

“Hm… all present and accounted for, so far as I can tell.”

“Might need closer inspection.”

“It might… you see what happens when you get out of the city? Here, let’s have a bit more of this, then, there’s plenty of light left. – _Stop!_ That’s my job.”

“Won’t be the first one I’ve done for you.”

“Hands _off_ – Gracious, you have got yourself into a state – “

“Have mercy on me, a sinner.”

* * *

“Right thoughtful of ’em, safety bars for those whose six thousandth summer has passed.”

“Dear, you don’t look a day over five thousand and three. …Oh, look, one of those downpour shower thingys.”

“Waterfall.”

“What ever would they have thought of this at Aquae Sulis?”

“They’d've thought it wasn’t big enough. Nice – rosemary soap. Hold still, there's some of that Metheglin stuff in your hair…”

“Well, it was all down your front…”

“So were you – “

“That’s _not_ my hair."

“Can’t be helped. It got everywhere.”

“This is – ah – unnecessarily thorough – ohhh.”

“Common sense, gorgeous. Anything that’s going in your mouth, make sure it’s clean first.”

“This is _not_ getting us out to the Avon River Walk.”

“Grab hold of that bar, angel.”

* * *

“It says _over a stile into a field –_ here, this must be it – we _hav_ e lost the light a bit.”

“Good. Makes this less public.”

“Mmmphh. _Crowley,_ really – well, perhaps –– mmmm – very hard to resist you when you do that, you know.”

“Nice sturdy tree here. Lean back.”

“We should be getting back to supper – “

“Starters first.”

“Where are you _getting_ this, dear?’’

“Where are you getting _this?"_ ”

“Eeep!”

* * *

“I had meant to avoid miracles on this trip, you know. Just enjoy the countryside like mortals.”

“You’re telling me there was never a mortal who fucked in a field?”

“I very much doubt there was ever one who did it for the fourth time in one day – “

“Fifth, if you count – “

“My dear, I’m starting to think we had better ring up Anathema. If one can find a graceful way to ask… well, how long this goes on.”

The dining room at the _Angel_ was just populated enough to keep any of the conversation from carrying. The slow rakes and nudges of boot-toes and ankles under the table were suitably discreet. The angel was pushing the remains of a Bramley apple crumble onto his fork; Crowley had gotten into the Talisker.

They were both hanging on to control by a thread.

‘Sure it’s not just us?”

“My dear. I should like to think, but –– “

“Yeah.”

There was, however, no answer. Aziraphale left a message and started lifting the last bits of the crumble to his lips with a fingertip.

“ _Stop that_ or I can’t be responsible.”

* * *

“Y’know I’d come home after we’d been drinking all evening – got to be almost every time – ‘n’ imagine you undressing me like this.”

“Mmmmm. What did I do then?”

“You’d – here, give me your hand – touch those. Give ’em a little pinch.”

“Like this?–”

“Sssss. Yesss. Bit harder.”

“May I have a taste? Even if it’s not in the script?”

“Oh, it _wasss–– “_

“Goodness, look what that’s done to you. What else did I do?”

“You’d – have another taste.”

“Of – oh! I see… Mmmm, very nice.”

“ ‘n’ then share. C’mon back up here… m-hm, so I’d know it was me on those lips… used to watch ’em when you were killing a pudding by inches, you know, think of ’em on me…”

”I’d think of you pushing them apart. Your tongue. You flick it out, you know, when you’ve had a bit to drink. Very tantalizing.”

“You’d think of this when?”

“Pretty much as soon as you left the shop.”

“What else?”

“Something like that thing you do with it, right along here…I don’t know how you knew…”

“Ah, so I’d have your collar open. Very daring.”

“Well, you’d already taken me to dinner. So possibly you’d be emboldened to be, you know, a bit forward.”

“I’d think of you pulling my hair while I – _ssssssss!!!_ “

“Oh, you like that?”

“You’d said something about growing it out, made me think – “

“Ah. I’d hoped it would.”

“You were about to shake apart. When you finally. _Stop just a moment_.”

“I was about to _faint,_ to be perfectly exact. It was really only the bookshelf holding me up.”

“And me – "

"Who's shaking now?"

".. ah, angel, can’t help it, gonna – “

“I’ve got you, my darling.”

* * *

“Hard to think now why it took us so long. Once they’d – let us go.”

“Perhaps because I was a bit terrified?”

“Not of _me._ I hope. Mmm, you’re soft...”

“Of _losing_ you. You were the only real friend I’d ever had. It seemed a bit mad to hope for more.“

“I was sure you’d smite me on the spot. Horrid, nasty demon – _sssssssss_ , do that again.”

“Absolutely horrid. So deliciously nasty.”

“ 'n’ command me by the power of heaven ‘r something – “

“Get thee behind me.”

* * *

“ _Ana!_ So glad I finally – it’s not too late, is it?”

“ _Mr. Fell?_ No, we’re still – ah – up – “

“Oh, good, everyone well? We’ve been far too out of touch – “

“We’re – both just fine, the kids’re doing great – _just give me a moment! –_ uh, so what can I do for you? I did get your voicemail, just – “

“Um, well. I’m afraid it’s a bit indelicate, but – you know, that last bottle you gave us – delightful stuff, hard to keep from finishing it all up at one go, but – well, how long does the – effect last?”

“Oh, no, you too? I’m really, really sorry, I must have overdone – “

“My dear, don’t be sorry. It’s – ah, quite lovely, only there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight, and – “

“Ah. Well we, I’m afraid – we only just tried that batch this evening ourselves and – _Newt, I’m taking a call – “_

“Oh. I see. Oh, dear. So we don’t really know – “

“ ‘Fraid not. _Newt! Dammit!”_

“I’m intruding, I’ll let you go – “

“Maybe call when you – “

“Ah – well, yes, I can do that – _my dear!”_

* * *

“Enjoying your stay, sir? Anything we can do to make it pleasanter?”

“No, everything’s t’rrific – just waiting for my – _ow --_ friend to come down – ooofff.”

“Oh, dear, all right there?”

“Bit stiff. Covered, um, lot of ground yesterday.”

“Oh, I see it all the time. People come down from the City, walk miles more than they’re used to. There’s a nice little spa in Melksham, they might be able to squeeze you in for a massage.”

“M – not a good idea, I mean, we’ve got our day planned. He wants a look round the Abbey – “

“Oh, you’ll be dazzled.”

“Well – not really my scene. Think I’m going to have a saunter where those old water gardens were laid out.”

“Fancy that kind of thing, do you?”

“Old-fashioned gardens? Yeah, always been a bit keen on them.”

* * *

“I do think it’s about worn off.”

“How many times’d you have to just stop and deep breathe?”

“Two. Well, three if you count the moment in the cloisters. It’s changed immensely since the nuns were there, by the way, it doesn’t feel a bit consecrated any more. They do _filming_ there.”

“Didn’t wanna take the chance. Already a bit worse for wear. Anything from Ana?”

“I did leave a message. They’re young, it might take them a while.”

* * *

“Well, that wasn’t exactly what I’d imagined when I suggested a day or two in the countryside, but – exhilarating.”

“One of these a year, angel. Just _one.”_

“I assume you mean country holidays, not – _careful, you just missed that by an inch --_ “

“Twice. Draw the line at twice.”

“Oh, good, because one of the other guests mentioned a delightful-sounding place on the Downs – You do mean that, and not the, ah, other thing? Lovely too. But tiring.”

“Don’t know about you but I’m going to sleep for a week. Ana ever suss out what happened there?”

“Well – no, I gather not. She made Newt promise to take the rest of the batch out somewhere that it wouldn’t get into the water supply and – “

“Hm. Bit’ve a shame but s’pose she’s got a point – “

“I’m sure she’ll have another try. Something of a tradition, you remember, honey wine, it’s where the term honeymoon came from – “

“Bit ahead of ourselves then, aren’t we? Back to front, sort’ve?”

“Which time was that? – oh – ! You mean – ”

“Well, we _could_ do. If you liked. _”_

“To be clear, did you just ask me to – “

“I mean – ‘s’all right if you’d as soon not – pro’lly a daft idea anyway, just a thought I had – “

“Yes."

“ – no point rushing into things, and – _what did you just say?”_

“Watch the road, dear.”

* * *

“Can you believe he’s twelve? Only yesterday he was remaking the world.”

“And here he’s getting his arse whipped at darts.”

Pepper had pulled well ahead of the rest of the Them. The keeper of the Pippin and Tun didn’t typically host twelfth-birthday parties, but it brought a lot of thirsty parents into Tadfield's local at what was normally a quiet hour, and the young people were enjoying the dart boards, as a special treat.

“Not even using his powers in the least. Commendable.”

“Have to have a talk with him.”

“This really is a bit noisy, perhaps we should try the tables outside – oh! There’s Anathema. We haven’t seen her since – well, let's go say hello.”

The witch’s eyes met the angel’s across the room. She turned a becoming shade of pink.

“I’ll go get us another round,” said Crowley, who was pinker. “See you out there.”

Newt slipped in beside him, nervously, as he set one mug and one tumbler of whisky down on one of the weathered tables in the courtyard.

“Did’je bring it?” said Crowley, gazing off in a random direction.

“In the boot. It’s just been riding around in there.”

“I’m over in the High Street car park.”

“So’m I. Blue Wasabi. Good job you, uh, got hold of me when you did, I was just about to dump what was left in the upper part of the orchard – “

"I'd've been interested in those apples. Professionally."

"So you really are -- ?"

“Breathe a word about this, mate, you’re toast. Let's have the keys.”

“I haven’t sold my soul or anything, have I?”

“Nah. Just – “ Crowley turned his hand palm down, snapped his fingers sharply. “There. You won’t bugger up anything electronic for a month.”

“Wow, that even feels – “

“Newt! There you are. Hello, Mr. Crowley.”

They both turned pink again.

“Mr. Pulsifer. Or is it Mr. Device-Pulsifer? One can’t keep up with the fashions – “

“Just Newt – “

“Well, the curiosity isn’t purely academic – we’ve got a bit of an announcement, not just now though, this is Adam’s party, but – my dear? – “

“Back in a tick, angel – just forgot something in the car – “

“ _You want the box on the right. By the toolkit.”_

_“Got it. Ta.”_

_* * *_

“What was that Anathema gave you?”

“Oh – just another of those witchcrafty things she does. Arnica balm. Sprains and things, you know? I gather she made up quite a large batch after she and Newt – well, once it wore off – “

“We’re set then.”

“Pardon?”

“Did you have plans for the rest of the weekend?”

_finis_

**Author's Note:**

> The Sign Of The Angel comes highly recommended by Trip Advisor for couples and events. Lacock, Wiltshire; sorry, but that is the name of the village.
> 
> The decorative pine cones are an authentic detail, as is the Bramley apple crumble.
> 
> If you liked, share, reblog, comment! Authors are always thirsty.
> 
> Come say hello on Tumblr @CopperPlateBeech


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